Flashback: St. Valentine's Revenge...

since it's not new, i'm not putting it up at 365... but since today is thursday and all, thought it was appropriate. Enjoy!

WORD Broadcasting

Interrupts this classic poetry event

For a important commercial announcement

When you care enough

To give the best.

Why do you think so many babies

Are born

In November?

Appease the goddess and maybe she’ll

Let you live

One more year,

Because diamonds

Are

A girl’s best friend.

So go on

Give her something.

Anything.

What kind of man would you be

If you didn’t rob your

Momma blind

Just to pay for an exquisite date

This valentine’s day.

And Ladies,

When he doesn’t lovingly lavish you

With his presence every day?

Valentine’s day

Is your day to collect

As he lavishes you with presents

Big.

Expensive.

Presents.

Isn’t that what love is really all about?

Romance is

Chocolate made from cocoa beans

Picked by African and South American Slave children.

Romance is

Diamonds

Berthed from the tyrannous unforgiving womb

Of a mine

In Johannesburg.

Nothing says love like a clear cut forest

For that extra special

Lovey Dovey

Card

Which will promptly go in a drawer somewhere

For later examination and termination

When your relationship ends

Friends, I want to give you something special this

Valentine’s day, see

I know you’re good hearted people,

And most people don’t equate romance

With the destruction it can cause.

And I’m not just talking about some

He said, she said love triangle baby momma

my ex just got back into town I’m gay I’m straight I’m a lesbian I’m horny I’m gonna lie to get you into bed and not call you later complain about how you dumped me to my coworkers men are from mars women are from some other planet we don’t know about, crazy, deranged, need therapy to cope with how wack your lover was, need a vibrator to cope with how wack your lover was every day shit.

I’m talking about liberating you from a vicious curse,

OH YES!

You may think its funny,

But Valentine’s Revenge?

Is No. Laughing. Matter.

The man was beaten to death with clubs

And had his head chopped off

Just for marrying couples in secret

Now, doesn’t that sound romantic?

He gave his life

Just to bring people together.

Doesn’t that sound wonderful?

But really, doesn’t that sound

Like one PISSED OFF Ghost?

Doesn’t that sound like a spirit

Ready to turn his back on his life’s work

And avenge his murder,

Making people forget

What love is really all about

On a day dedicated to his memory?

And believe you me,

This angry specter has done

EVERYTHING

In

His

Power,

Turning the sanctity of love

Into a one day

commercialistic, imperialistic festival

Now,

I know its us Jews that are supposed to be materialist,

But St. Valentine,

He picked you Christians off like

Clementines,

And now the good name of romance

Is splattered

With the blood of children

that make Your Russell Stover’s Chocolates,

sew your Gund stuffed bears

and pick the vegetables for your

scrumptious 500 dollar meal,

bringing new meaning to the phrase “it hurts so good”

We have been lead to believe

That the expression of love

Cannot be achived

Without a shopping spree,

The price tag of which could feed a country.

You really want to show him or her you care?

Buy some organic vegetables,

some free range meat if you’re an omnivore,

and get cooking with a feast galore

you could probably pay for

with a Jackson

or a little bit more.

Get some equal exchange cocoa,

Some fair trade troys,

If a little gift would put a smile

On your girl or boy

Because gifts of love

Shouldn’t cost the people of the world

Buckets of blood.

Lend a hand to organizations that make the world better,

And for G-d sakes,

Use recycled paper

For your recycled, plagiarized love letter,

And if you really mean love

When you say it

Then demonstrate it daily,

You don’t need a festival

To purvey it.

Shit,

I buy my Dulcinea flowers because its Tuesday,

Cook her a sumptuous breakfast

Because its Thursday,

Shower her with love everyday

because any day my heart beats is

her day.

So don’t take your date out

Because its valentine’s day,

Take em out because its Monday,

And any day is better

When your lover knows you care.